April, 2013 Chaplain's blog

As preachers, we are trained talkers. In fact, if you are like most pastors, you are probably very good at talking. So, it comes as a surprise to some that in pastoral care, talking is not a highly valued skill. It also comes as a surprised to some of us that it is not a highly effective skill in pastoral care either. When someone really needs to get something off their chest and we are too quick to offer platitudes or hope, we can actually stifle that person’s ability to heal. As chaplains to the injured or sick, we are called to the pastoral care ministry, a ministry called "presence." In other words, sometimes we are not called to speak, but to simply "be." Being can be uncomfortable for some of us. We desire to fill the silence with words of hope or humor (by the way, don't make people laugh after surgery, not a good idea). This speaks much more to our needs rather than focusing on the needs of the patient. I recently had an interaction with someone who said something that made me want to respond. I wanted desperately to tell them about healing in Christ, or to offer to pray with them, or to give some sort of encouragement. However, I fought this temptation and simply stood there with them in that moment. When they looked up, I nodded to them (as if to say "go on") and they shared even more of their story.

In theater, there is a phrase that goes like this, "hey, you stepped on my line." It means that you forgot that someone else had a part and that you needed to wait for him or her to make his or her line before you launch into yours. It's one of the worst mistakes an actor can make. Chaplains can be tempted to step on someone’s line as well. Had I given in to my need to fill the air with noise, had I given in to my need to take care of my own discomfort, I would have never heard this person's line. I never would have heard the rest of the story. Yes, the silence was uncomfortable for me, but it allowed this fellow actor to say his/her line and contribute to the play. The story grew richer and as a result, I knew not only that he/she needed comfort, but also how to comfort. You've heard it said, "don't just stand there, do something," but I tell you "Don't just do something, stand there."