Sunday, March 31, 2013

April, 2013 Chaplain's blog

As preachers, we are trained talkers. In fact, if you are like most pastors, you are probably very good at talking. So, it comes as a surprise to some that in pastoral care, talking is not a highly valued skill. It also comes as a surprised to some of us that it is not a highly effective skill in pastoral care either. When someone really needs to get something off their chest and we are too quick to offer platitudes or hope, we can actually stifle that person’s ability to heal. As chaplains to the injured or sick, we are called to the pastoral care ministry, a ministry called "presence." In other words, sometimes we are not called to speak, but to simply "be." Being can be uncomfortable for some of us. We desire to fill the silence with words of hope or humor (by the way, don't make people laugh after surgery, not a good idea). This speaks much more to our needs rather than focusing on the needs of the patient. I recently had an interaction with someone who said something that made me want to respond. I wanted desperately to tell them about healing in Christ, or to offer to pray with them, or to give some sort of encouragement. However, I fought this temptation and simply stood there with them in that moment. When they looked up, I nodded to them (as if to say "go on") and they shared even more of their story.

In theater, there is a phrase that goes like this, "hey, you stepped on my line." It means that you forgot that someone else had a part and that you needed to wait for him or her to make his or her line before you launch into yours. It's one of the worst mistakes an actor can make. Chaplains can be tempted to step on someone’s line as well. Had I given in to my need to fill the air with noise, had I given in to my need to take care of my own discomfort, I would have never heard this person's line. I never would have heard the rest of the story. Yes, the silence was uncomfortable for me, but it allowed this fellow actor to say his/her line and contribute to the play. The story grew richer and as a result, I knew not only that he/she needed comfort, but also how to comfort. You've heard it said, "don't just stand there, do something," but I tell you "Don't just do something, stand there."

A Reflection on Newtown

A Reflection on Newtown-
After all these months I am still haunted by the reality that in our great country such a horrific event as this occurred. If you have moved on to worries about tensions in the Middle East or threats from the Far East, I apologize for being stuck on the date of December 14, 2012, six days before my granddaughter’s seventh birthday. You see she is in the first grade. 
 Nothing compels us to reevaluate our human condition and reexamine our relationships more than a shocking tragedy. We contemplate the unfathomable and senseless loss of lives, the anguish and trauma of the survivors, the sorrow and support of the community, and the initial outpouring of prayers and sympathy from the nation.
However, in the weeks and months after the Sandy Hook tragedy, when we should be engaged in selfless, caring actions such as occurred after 9/11, instead we find ourselves embroiled in a partisan debate over gun control. Addressing the circumstances of Sandy Hook isn't simply a matter of more gun control, whichever side of the gun control debate you are on. The victims of Sandy Hook are not martyrs to the debate on guns. They are our children and they are the innocents that we let slip away in a moment that we all must admit that we have imaged in our worst nightmares and fears.
In their memory we can do these things:
We can remind ourselves what life is all about. Life is about family and spending time with our kids. Our children need to be reminded daily that we love them. We must also remember they are being immediately impacted by events around the globe for truly we live in a global community, and we are affected by world events. Now is the perfect time to have a plan in place to help you and the children you care about cope with traumatic events.
We need to learn more about mental illnesses. It is sadly ironic that Nancy, the shooter's mother, who was so protective of and devoted to her son Adam, was the first to die.  We must talk with friends and family about "warning signs." No, we certainly can't ensure this horror will never happen again, but each of us can become more aware of those closest to us. We can notice changes in personality or other warning signs. Another way to express this - take more time to personally interact with other people whether at work or school or home, so you're more likely to notice drastic changes.

We need to put down the pitch forks and torches and stop trying to look for or chase away the "monster." Instead, as Americans we need to lean on each other for support. Indeed, we look for the light of love that pierces even the darkest of moments such as these.








   



May, 2013 Chaplain's blog

Chaplain’s Corner- May, 2013

People have different theories about when to fill the car with gas. If you ask my wife, she will tell you that I make a habit of coasting into the gas station on fumes.  I know that you have a hard time feeling much sympathy for anyone who runs out of gas because they let the tank get that low. But did you know that people have emotional gas tanks? In fact many adults are suffering from the effects of an empty emotional gas tank. As hard as we might try, we can’t escape the fact that giving and giving without receiving some nurturing ourselves is not possible or healthy. Just like our cars break down or stop without gas and maintenance, so can human beings. Just like many of our cars (or smart phones) have GPS that help us locate gas stations, our emotions are a GPS system that lets us know when we need to refuel. Some of the common signs of running low or on fumes can be increased crabbiness, lack of energy, being short-tempered, eating and drinking more sugary, caffeinated substances to keep going, and losing patience more quickly than usual.
If you are noticing this in yourself, you might wonder if your emotional tank needs some filling. This could be a simple as a few hours to yourself, a long hot bath, some time with your significant other, or some quiet prayer time. It can be as complex as re-evaluating your job, the amount of activities you or your children are involved in, or commitments you are making that you really don’t want to make.
With summer approaching, people are making travel arrangements, and if they are going by car, they are making sure the car has a full tank of gas. At the same time it might be helpful to look at your own emotional tank. What might you need to do to refill it or keep it filled so that you can navigate the expected and unexpected events without running out of emotional gas?